Back to work today – bah humbug!!! I know I work from home so no early start to miss traffic; no annoying colleagues; I can make myself a cuppa and some food when I feel like it; I can get washing done; I can listen to the radio and even catch up on some TV when things are quiet; BUT it’s still work which gets in the way of fun stuff and that’s rubbish. It’s made all the more rubbish when you’ve had a lovely 2 weeks holiday and the kids are back to amusing themselves and I am back to feeling bad that they aren’t getting the attention they have been. They’re not really bothered. I think they’ve quite enjoyed spending time in their little domains and they’ve even spent time together (wonders never cease).
I think I’m just going to always be one of those people that feels guilty whatever the situation. When I wasn’t working and quite proudly called myself a stay-at-home mum, I felt guilty that we didn’t have the money to give our kids the toys and experiences that other kids had. I worried that I wasn’t a good role model as I didn’t have a job. I worried that I wasn’t contributing and was putting too much pressure on K. I felt guilty for needing time away from the kids.
Now I’m working (albeit from home, and part time) I feel guilty that I can’t spend the same amount of time with them. I feel guilty that I would miss the money and the fact that we can now have holidays. I feel guilty that I get cross when I am interrupted in the middle of a customer query to answer the question of “what time is lunch?” They don’t mind. They understand that we can now afford a holiday once a year. They are old enough to understand that when I’m working I can’t be disturbed too often. They wouldn’t say that this school holiday has been any different to any other. It’s just me.
Today has been rubbish. The weathers been horrible so no-one could go out. The customers have all been cross and grumpy. I’ve had a headache and I’ve had washing to do as well. Rubbish.
But this evening I’ve been out with my mate. I normally see her every day or at least a few times a week, and have missed her!! We’ve had a good natter about our holidays and our families and Strictly (yes I know!). It’s been fab. My headache has gone and I’m feeling like me again.
Tomorrow is another day….