It’s nearly over. I’ve almost made it through the week. Bizarrely, today has been the worst day. Worse than Monday even because it’s a nothing day. It’s the day before the big day. It’s the poor relation of the week. I’ll be excited beyond belief tomorrow. I was gutted on Monday. Tuesday I was being all positive, Wednesday I got my letter and was at the midway point. Today’s crap. Despite seeing a photo of her looking happy having breakfast, I’ve not been able to settle and tonight T is out at Open Evening which I should be at with A. It’s all wrong. I guess the early wake up at 5.30am hasn’t helped my frame of mind and I’m probably a bit sugar overloaded from the bag of wine gums I’ve eaten. I finished my book which was lovely and I’ve started another which is a bit of an unsettling story.
I can’t wait to see her. I know I’m going to embarrass her when I see her – especially as she will be all independent where she’s been away from me for 5 days. Five days!!!!! Five long, long days. I want to squeeze her tight and just look at her.
I don’t get this really. I’m not a gushy mum. I think my kids are great – not all the time obviously – but I don’t think I harp on about it. God I hope I don’t. I don’t do I? So where’s all this coming from? It’s the little things I’ve missed. The cuddles and the smiles and the notes. She writes me a lot of notes and I love it. The laughing. She does make me laugh and she likes to laugh. Actually, thinking about it – they’re not the little things. They’re the big massive things that make us a family. Yes I still have T and K for hugs and laughing but when one piece of the puzzle that makes our family is missing it’s just not right.
There won’t be banners or “welcome home” cakes. I promised some home baked brownies and maybe a takeaway. What I think she’ll really want most is a bath, a cuddle (with us and Jerry probably) and a lovely nights sleep in her own bed. And I will be in heaven.