Lately, I find myself sniffling* quite a bit – normally at 24 Hours in A&E (especially if small children or old people are involved) but I also find myself welling up at things that I hope anyone with half a heart would. The Townsend Two came to visit at the weekend and I found myself quite overwhelmed with emotion watching Little Miss playing in the playground and my two looking after her as she toddled around. A really special day.
I also find myself sniffling* in frustration. Frustration with myself for expecting too much of those around me; frustration at the way certain people in my world speak to me; frustration that I can’t say what I need to say without getting upset. It goes on. Then I get days like Sunday where I am battling with a migraine due to all the frustration and then it all just goes tits up. For me, the fall-out of a migraine is long-lasting and makes me feel a mixture of hopelessness and anger that I have to make myself move on from.
Today, I have physically made myself move on by going on a bike ride. On my own. I was a bit nervous of cycling the lanes by myself but kept telling myself that you don’t ever read in the Markyate Monthly that a woman has been murdered whilst cycling the lanes to Flamstead. So off I went and despite nearly stopping breathing while trying to get up Pickford Road (I walked from a third of the way up) I enjoyed it. It was great to feel the wind in my face and the burn in my arse (glutes, whatever).
Tonight I am off to see my lovely Book Club ladies and I hope there will be more tears, but of laughter rather than any other kind.
*sniffling sounds less dramatic than crying and I do tend to do silent tears rather than full on bawling. Apart from on Sunday when it all got too much.