Saying “No” to Blue Monday/Shopping

I refused to give in to Blue Monday today.

The sky is blue, but that is all. The sun has been shining in through my office window and warming me up (along with the heater, I’m not mad).

I’m wearing my red cardigan and that always makes me feel more cheerful.

Our lovely neighbours have had a new fence put up and it looks brilliant. It’s making me want to get outside and start gardening again.

T is on a rest day after four lates and we’ve had a good catch up. Some of the stories he tells me make me really sad and sometimes I have to try and keep my face neutral while thinking “you dealt with that?!”.

A has had another good day. It is so nice to sit waiting for her to come out of school without the worry of what she has had to face. It’s been hard to shift that nagging feeling, that dread of hearing of some horrible comment or incident. But we’re getting there. The more good days she has the more that feeling will become less and less present.

My brother has been told that his genetic test has come back negative so no-one else in the family needs to be tested for now and this is really great, positive news. It’s been playing on all our minds since he got his diagnosis of Brugada syndrome last year. He’s had to go through so many tests and consultations and I’m very relieved that he’s got another puzzle piece fitted. It’s such a newly discovered syndrome that relatively little can be set in concrete but this is a great bit of news.

I’ve got my hearing test later today to see what’s what and a follow up next week with the consultant to see if anything can be done about the tinnitus. I’m doubtful but grateful that they are checking it out.

I’ve started Day 1 of the Phone Detox challenge. I’ve written down how many hours I spent on my phone last week, how many pickups I make on average each day and how many notifications I get. It made me feel ashamed and I am DETERMINED to do something about it. So, I’ve removed all the apps from my home screen and added a motivational screen saver. I’m using an old tablet of A’s to stream music so I can’t use the excuse of changing a track to have a sneaky peek at Twitter. I’ve had to leave notifications active as I don’t have a separate work phone. But I am NOT going to respond to messages immediately. I am NOT going to use any spare moment to look at social media. Instead I am going to get up from my desk and walk around, maybe even pop my head outside the patio doors.

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I’ve made a pledge to only buy clothes if something I currently own wears out or if I really don’t have anything suitable for a certain occasion – there are no weddings in the offing for this year, that I know of – and I can’t think of any other occasion that I won’t be able to cater for, but I want to leave that little get-out clause in there just in case! And when I do need to replace something it will either be second hand or, if not available and I have to buy from new, it will be from a sustainable brand and preferably in a sale! (I have to exclude certain items from this, such as underwear and socks etc. I’m sure you understand why!).

I had a bit of a wardrobe overhaul last year (see A un-dedicated follower of fashion. I didn’t tell anyone, until now*, but I had an online Styling Analysis with a small company which showed me which colours suit my hair and skin-tone, what shape I am (an hourglass apparently, who knew?), what style of clothing best suits my shape and what footwear to wear to “balance me out”.

I didn’t need to buy much new stuff but I did get rid of (donated or sold) quite a few things that had never felt right or didn’t make me feel good. It seems there is some science to this thing and my clothes had been telling me that they weren’t right for me! I’ve always been an impulse or panic shopper – buying things because I thought they would do, rather than because I loved how they looked on me. I’ve never really paid too much attention to my clothing, other than seeing it as camouflage to cover parts of my body that I am not comfortable with.

I bought myself a new smart winter coat – my walking coat is bloody lovely but it won’t win me any style points and it’s too warm for wearing in the car or for anything other than walking – and for the first time ever it wasn’t in a sale or second hand. I also bought a few dresses (in a sale) as I had my “stop hiding my legs” epiphany. I’ve been gradually adding items to my wardrobe to fill the gaps that I had and I have started to get to grips with building outfits and knowing what looks right with what. I still live in jeans but skirts (and dresses) are making more regular appearances and I am starting to feel like I am getting to know my style. It makes me happy. After years of always feeling like I was wearing the wrong thing, or wishing I looked like someone else, it’s nice to look forward to getting dressed in the morning .

*I don’t know why I didn’t tell anyone, other than I suppose the age old thing of worrying about being judged, that people would think it silly or self-indulgent, or not a “me” thing to do.

“Some days are better than others…”

To quote one of my favourite bands lyrics*:

Some days are dry, some days are leaky
Some days come clean, other days are sneaky
Some days take less, but most days take more
Some slip through your fingers and onto the floor
Some days you’re quick, but most days you’re speedy
Some days you use more force than is necessary
Some days just drop in on us
Some days are better than others

Yesterday was definitely “one of those days”. And “leaky” was most appropriate. The day before, we had our annual boiler service booked in with British Gas. We have a policy with them that covers repairs/emergencies and includes an annual service. We’ve had it about ten years and have never needed to claim, but have had the service done religiously. I really do not like being cold and the idea of a broken down boiler is not appealing.

Anyway, the engineer arrived as expected and we left him to it. Our boiler is in the upstairs bathroom airing cupboard. It’s normally always straightforward: they check it all out, check the radiators are working properly, fiddle with the thermostat and off they go, leaving us with a sheet of paper confirming all is well – it’s no big deal. For some reason, this time it didn’t really go to plan. I was a bit worried when he came down to the kitchen asking if I had a bucket. I gave him an old washing up bowl. He went back off upstairs. Came down a short while later with the bowl and said “all done”. And off he scooted, pretty sharpish, before I had chance to ask about any paperwork. I went back to work and thought no more of it until later, when I went upstairs after work to put all the stuff back in the airing cupboard. (Every year I vow to sort all this stuff out but somehow it all goes back in and I never do.) As I was putting it back I noticed water on the cupboard floor. Assuming it was just him not being very good at tidying up – he’d left his coffee cup on the windowsill and the window wide open – I wiped it up and thought no more of it. Shutting the window I noticed a strong smell of pee. Not just bad at tidying up, he also seemed to have trouble aiming, as he’d peed on the floor by the toilet. So grim. (Had to be him, no-one else at home and I definitely have no trouble aiming.) Rubber gloves on I got it all “clean“ed up and made a mental note to perhaps lodge a complaint with British Gas the next day, depending on how busy work was.

As it happened, I was straight on to them as soon as their lines opened at 9am as the floor was soaking wet the following morning – we clearly had a leak- and there definitely hadn’t been any issues prior to his visit. After 40 minutes on the phone I was told the earliest they could come was the 17th – 5 days later and that I would have to lodge a complaint online as they couldn’t transfer me through. My 20 minute online chat with the complaints team was slightly less frustrating but only marginally. In the middle of all this, I had a text from BG asking me for feedback on my experience. Perfect timing. I’d already vented my frustration on Twitter but decided to give it both barrels on Trustpilot – they had asked me for my opinion…..

I was told by the online chat person that they would try their best to get someone out to me later that day or the following morning. As it was a “dry” day I went out for a walk and just as I was on the homeward stretch a BG van drove past. Coincidence, I was sure, but NO, when I rounded the corner into our road there was not one, but two vans parked up. K was over the moon: both were masked up and had taken their boots off at the door (the person the day before was not even in BG uniform and him not taking his shoes off was the least of his issues, in fact if he had he would have ended up with pee-soaked socks…..). They sorted the issue quickly and efficiently, bringing their cups down and putting them by the sink, leaving us with some paperwork and the assurance that was all well.

And all was well – no wet floor this morning – until…..an email popped up in my mailbox asking me to stump up the £50 excess….Seriously? Another phone call later and the invoice was cancelled but it was almost the final nail in the BG coffin.

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Whilst I was on hold and online chatting and waiting for my blood pressure to lower, I had LBC on with James O’Brien. He was doing the equivalent of a “match build-up” before PMQ’s. I don’t often listen to PMQ’s as it’s normally just irritating, rather than interesting. But I was VERY keen to hear BJ’s response to questions about “that party”. I rarely talk about politics but I think even the least engaged person couldn’t fail to have some sort of opinion on this. @PoliceCommander John Sutherland summed it up for me on Twitter “Lies upon lies upon lies upon lies….I actually feel sick”. I don’t remember having such a strong feeling about something said by a politician before, but I was incensed beyond words. We have been so fortunate as a family not to have suffered anything like the sorrow and heartbreak and devastation some have been through, but we have ALL made sacrifices during this pandemic and it leaves me with much more than a bitter taste in my mouth. It is reprehensible.

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In lighter news, the lack of new years resolutions is going really well so far: I am continuing to eat what I want, I’ve been walking, I’ve read another book (the very brilliant Grown Ups by Marian Keyes which I had to stop reading in a cafe last Friday, while I waited for A to need collecting, as it was making my eyes a bit leaky), I’ve watched some great TV (Anne, Discovery of Witches, Forensics: Real CSI) and some not so great TV (Stay Close – really not convinced by any of the acting which was a surprise as it had a great cast); I’ve added some ideas to my Birthday Year list. I have missed my Friday buddy who seems to have been isolating for the last month (far worse for her than for me but I have missed her hugely) and I am looking forward to a WHOLE day with her next Friday, all being well**.

We’re halfway through January (almost) and if we can just keep going for another few weeks we will start to see lighter days, pokes of green in pots and then before we know it it will be Spring. Lovely, lovely Spring with all the hope that it brings. And hopefully days that will be mainly much better (than others).

* from the U2 song Some Days Are Better Than Others from the album Zooropa (1993)

** the caveat that follows all plans currently being made.

More of the same please

As usual I have not made any New Years resolutions. I am definitely not doing any stopping certain things for January: I’m already pretty much an alcohol-free zone so Dry January doesn’t apply; I like a bacon sandwich far too much to contemplate Veganuary; and frankly everything else can just do one.

What I am going to do is the things that make me happy, with a few extras chucked in there. So: lots of walking, lots of eating nice food, lots of watching TV, lots of reading books (more on that shortly), lots of gardening. I am starting to compile a 50th Birthday Year list and already have 2 lovely things fixed in the diary, hopefully with more to come shortly.

I am challenging myself on some fronts: I have just signed up for a 5 day screen detox. I have no idea what it entails but it’s only 5 days, how bad can it be?; and I am planning on giving Project 333 a go, I just need to work out when will be best to try it. The concept is that you choose just 33 items from your wardrobe to wear for the next 3 months – and only those 33 items, nothing more. I was going to try it from January but was too late getting organised. It’s not something you can rush into and I want to do it right. Watch this space.

On the book front, I have recently discovered Dunstable Library and I love it. It’s in a brand new, purpose built building which is also home to a new gym (not that I will ever darken it’s doors) and a swimming pool (a possibility if A and I can find a time when we both fancy going). The library is bright and white and clean and nicely spaced out and I can reserve books online. I follow quite a few authors on Twitter and I had no idea until one of them mentioned it that authors receive a small payment every time one of their books is borrowed from a Public Library. I love reading on my Kindle and I will still use it (it’s a godsend in the middle of the night, as I don’t need to put a light on) but I know that me buying a 99p Kindle book doesn’t really help the author much but I can’t afford to buy full price books at the rate that I read them. Borrowing from the library seems like a decent compromise.

I picked my first reserved book up a week or so before Christmas, but didn’t realise it was going to be a massive hardback (which are not great for reading in bed) and so have returned it, unread, today (embarrassingly I was 3 days late returning it and had to pay a fine – a massive 28p!). I’ve collected another reserved book today and it is a lovely paperback which I am looking forward to getting stuck into. And I will definitely get it returned on time!