I last blogged after my first week at my new job. Yesterday, I worked my last day of full time hours at my new job. Yes, full time is just not for me. And I’m not ashamed to day it. In fact, I feel pretty bloody proud of myself for knowing myself well enough and caring for myself enough to know when something isn’t good for me.
I feel very privileged and grateful that I am in a position to be able to work part time and it wasn’t a decision that I came to lightly but I’ve realised that there is more to life than money and so long as I can cover my share of the household outgoings then my mental health and the wellbeing of everyone around me is more important. Because, there is no denying that me working full time out of the home every day has impacted on everyone and not just me. But I’m slowly learning to put myself somewhere on the list, if not necessarily at the top, and so the decision was made.
I handed my notice in 2 weeks ago and intended to take up the offer of some part time work I’d been given by a local company. It wasn’t ideal and it wasn’t really what I wanted but I had reached a sort of breaking point at my new job. In addition to the issues that full time was causing, I was also struggling with the negative atmosphere in the team I am working in. One person in particular was the main cause of the problem and as they are a very established member of the team I didn’t feel it was something I could address, as the newbie. But hours of almost constant negative commentary is hard to stand – and I am not exactly renowned for my positive, upbeat nature – and it was really getting me down. It seemed like taking the offer was the sensible thing to do, if not necessarily the perfect solution.
What I hadn’t expected was the response I received when I handed in my notice. I was open, honest and frank with them. I told them I was struggling with full time, and explained that there are other needs at home that were not being met and that I was finding it hard not being available for A when she needed support. She’s been amazing and so supportive and I don’t (and never will) see her as a problem to solve, but I am her person and I want to be her person and I won’t ever stop being her person. Working out of the home all day every day has made that hard. I was also open and honest and frank with them about the issues there are in the team. I told them they have a problem and it isn’t going to go away easily. The sort of negativity I’ve encountered in the short time I’ve been there is breath-taking and entrenched and worrying. No job is perfect and everyone grumbles a bit from time to time, and it has been an exceptionally busy time but this goes beyond standard grumbles.
They asked me into a meeting with the Ops Director and Ops Manager and my team leader. It felt like facing the firing squad but couldn’t have been further from it. They listened. They apologised. They asked me to reconsider my decision. They offered me whatever hours/circumstances I wanted in order for me to stay. They were so enthusiastic about my abilities and what I had shown them of myself in the last few months that they were determined not to let me go. It was excruciating. Some people see themselves as others see them. I do not. I am not confident, I am not self-promoting. I am just me. Somehow they see a very capable, very hard-working, very valuable employee who they were excited to employ and were distraught to potentially let go. They addressed the issues I’d raised, and admitted they had let me down by not addressing them sooner. They were aware, they had other people’s observations of the situation from way before I started and they had hoped that some small changes they had made would have improved the situation but agreed that these were like putting a small plaster over a gaping wound that needed surgery. They had already started putting a plan together to address the situation properly and assured my they were taking it seriously. They offered me a series of different options and asked me to re-consider. So, I did.
I spoke to K and the kids and we agreed that I should request part time working, with one day a week in another branch for a change of scene and the opportunity to work with others in the wider team. So, from Monday I will be off on a Tuesday and Friday (I have my Fridays back and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me) and working from Tring branch on a Wednesday. I will also be working some Saturday mornings cashiering which I really enjoy and which will give me the best of both worlds, and will earn me some extra money (which will be very handy!).
These changes, along with the plan they have to improve staff morale, I think it will be OK. More than OK. But I will be holding them to account, and they have asked me to be honest with them if things don’t improve. They’ve told me that family comes first and if I ever need to take a call or deal with a situation, they will support me. As I did at my interview with them back in October, I feel really “seen” and understood. The reaction I’ve had from other members of staff (HR, managers) on hearing that I have agreed to stay has been crazy and I feel much more part of the team than I had before. I feel positive and ready to go.
It’s been exhausting, looking for another job, talking to people and trying to make decisions. The offer I’d had from the other company wasn’t right. I would have been working in a very isolated location, sometimes completely alone, and for a company that had not been exactly very organised in the recruitment process, cancelling meetings at the last minute, taking ages to respond to messages, and sending me a contract that had the wrong hours and pay on it. It didn’t bode well, but it seemed like a way out of an increasingly difficult situation. The benefits and job security that come with my current job make it a no-brainer decision, and I am very comfortable with it.
And I am proud of myself. Frazzled, but proud.
The diary of a happiness hunter 